If you're a TSS reader or someone who dislikes Tony Romo, then you may have seen my October 20, 2009 blog (http://topshelfstories.blogspot.com/2009/10/putting-it-into-wordswhy-tony-romo.html) that analogizes football teams and girlfriends-the running backs being her breasts, the wide receivers her stomach, the quarterback her personality, and so on. Since then, Tony Romo has improved the personality of the Dallas Cowboys, and they have made the playoffs. At the start of the season, the Philadelphia Eagles were thought by some to have a split personality, but she proved to show no effects of that...yet. So get ready, because pressure is coming, and my girlfriend has made the beauty pageant. Has yours?
The NFL Beauty Pageant Super Bowl Tournament is a four round, twelve-contestant tournament in which every single aspect of the contestant is examined.
In the first round, the evening gown competition, the judges will be making their assessments based on what the face says about the personality, how well it protects it and opens it up. As they walk, the shape and posture of their backs are important, seeing a tall, lean back through that gown is important to the judges.
Meaning, the women's offensive lines, being their faces, need to pass protect to win and teams that win in the early rounds generally pass protect quite well, and good pass protection slows down defenses, even ones that have great strengths. Defensive lines are also dominant tools in the early playoff rounds, so when comparing the Cincinnati Bengals to the New York Jets, I'm confident that both the offensive and defensive lines for the Jets will make her look taller and prettier than the Bengals. For that same reason, I think that the Baltimore Ravens will out-class the New England Patriots, the Dallas Cowboys will control the game tempo enough to look better than the Philadelphia Eagles, and the Green Bay Packers will use defensive line play to cause turnovers in the Arizona Cardinals' personality.
In the second round, the talent round, the contestant is judged on intangibles, and she must display a talent. Any gimmick is welcomed, this might be the time that Philadelphia lets her split personality out if she gets by Dallas, or when Dallas unleashes the pair of breast implants she got two years ago. It's when the Jets will make Jim Nance say "Mark Sanchez is growing up before our eyes." It's when you will find out just how many weapons the Saints, Vikings, Chargers and Colts have, and how really attractive those women actually are.
In the third round, the swimsuit round, the breasts and legs are most key to controlling the match up, and the judges' eyes. Look for women with great running backs and line backers to control this round, because they usually do. This is where Jonathan Vilma or Adrian Peterson can save their teams' seasons. This is where the Indianapolis Colts may wear something to try to to highlight the breasts because the Chargers are using the whole body and not letting her personality (Peyton Manning) shine.
The fourth round, the final round, between the two most attractive women is the 'question and answer' round, where the personality shines most. The questions and problems are numerous and leave the personality exposed before the largest audience possible. This is why, in the Super Bowl, the winning personality is always first to be considered most valuable. Before the season began, I predicted that the Saints' personality would out-duel the Chargers' personality in an epic Super Bowl. If you trust the Vikings' or Cowboys' personality in that sort of situation, then I'd like to find you when it's time to do some betting, the Jets' personality is immature, but she shuts up and cleans up well, when the Vikings' and the Cowboys' personalities really show, they're eerily similar, and difficult to trust.
Enjoy the Playoffs.
