Friday, December 11, 2009

If the New York Yankees were the Wu-Tang Clan...


Today, Method Man is still there as the most recognizable face, playing short stop and forcing all of the fans at the shows to wonder if he's too old for that sort of work, and should go make movies. Inspectah Deck is still catching, and he knows when his pitchers are lying and he sees them play themselves, and he proves that he is truly the Inspectah when he takes them to court right there on the mound. Gza, the genius, is still pitching smart as the third starter in a rotation where he continuously needs to be the stopper. And the Rza, the sharpest one out of the whole clan, he's still the closer, although he's made his share of blunders, be they razor sharp blunders.

That though, is where the old clan, ceases in looking like the new clan. When we were growing up in the nineties, Raekwon played right field, and he worked beautifully with Ghostface, who played center field on some 'now you see me, now you don't,' and the two enjoyed great success as teammates, although they had a true contrast in styles. The erratic U-god played second base and Nas played first base, even though he never got to make enough songs with the clan. Cappadonna played left field and the Ol' Dirty Bastard was the designated hitter. Masta Killa played third base, and if you think back, he was the MVP on one album. But all of those members have been replaced. The clan thought that Mos Def would be a fitting replacement for Ghostface in center field, and thought that their same lack of the throwing arm of real lyrical coherence would trick the fans into thinking that they were the same player. Raekwon was replaced by anyone the clan thought would put fear into right-handed pitchers, and many, from major stars like Ludacris to smaller utility players like Royce da 5' 9" have been used for one or two years.




For a while, the clan's best pitcher was 1998 ALCS MVP Kool G. Rap, and even though he was already so old, he was still pitching last year. Around the time that people were wondering if Rza still had it, two of the clan's albums failed. Gza worked on his solo projects in the other league. Power, the clan's manager, panicked. Getting Jay-Z, people thought, would be the thing that would return the clan to greatness, but Jay-Z was never really beloved by the serious Wu-Tang enthusiasts, and even the best struggled to lift up a clan that didn't want to be lifted. In the face of coming through looking flavorful in 2004, they failed against some Dr. Seuss, Mother Goose, simple-minded dudes. Their Wallabee shoes couldn't save them, even up three-nothing.




Most of the occurrences that happen to the clan are only newsworthy because they happen to the clan. When Shymeek from 212 busted his plane into the side of a building, most in the clan didn't even know him, but he was still down. There were dormant years. They never shut down all that playa bullshit and the game changed. People wondered if it was time to break the clan apart or if the formula they always used would work for the younger generation. Well the clan is back. The new place where they do their shows is perfect-dark and gritty. When it rains, it looks like a great place to wear your Champion hoody and black Timberlands. Like a dark New York Street corner, or a project hallway. When April comes back around, I advise you, move from the gate.