Star Search

If you love sports skills competitions, then the NBA's slam dunk contest used to be your Super Bowl. It was always more beautiful, more exciting than the Home Run Derby or the NFL's fastest man competition. It was creative men flying, and in the eighties, the creative men who flew were superstars. They were iconic. They did things that people wanted to take pictures of, and today, we still want to see those pictures.

Today though, there is no luster, and the end of All-Star Saturday night every year feels like a let-down from a promising date:

"...She made idea of going back to her place seem so enticing, until we actually did. Then she was in the bathroom for a half hour. Then she couldn't decide what kind of music to play. Then she couldn't get comfortable. But she looked good, and most importantly, still looked like a woman, so I tried to make the best of it, and even I couldn't make it good..."

and you feel the same way you feel when Nate Robinson misses another dunk, or when Dwight Howard runs out of dumb ideas.

Jay-Z' voice plays in your head:

"Look at my face...I'm uncomfortable dawg."

How do we get comfortable? Bring the stars back. Lure the stars back.

First, the prize money should be upward of one million dollars. This should be a non-negotiable. Also, Sprite, the regular contest sponsor, should sign the winner to an endorsement contract for a year. The compensation in the deal should be undisclosed but generous. If Lebron James is the winner, it would be expected and encouraged by one of his corporate sponsors.

Next, Improve the trophy. Make it the "Michael Jordan Award for Dunking." Make it a pristine golden statuette of Mike dunking from the free-throw line. Give the winner a matching patch to wear on his jersey for a year that acknowledges him as the leagues premier dunker. If you think that's silly, see what it does for merchandise sales.

Last, bring back the old format. The original fifty-point, five-round scale worked because the stars carried it, and stars will carry nearly anything in any sport. Remember the end of our date? What if the woman was different?

"...I'm telling you, nothing went right, but we laughed, we kissed, when things could have gotten awkward for me, she saved the day by smiling or saying something I thought was amazing. And the date went on, and it's still going on..."

and you feel the same way you did when Gerald Green blew out the candle.

Because you like each other.

And we like stars.

Rudy

Rudy

Rudy