Friday, December 11, 2009

If the New York Yankees were the Wu-Tang Clan...


Today, Method Man is still there as the most recognizable face, playing short stop and forcing all of the fans at the shows to wonder if he's too old for that sort of work, and should go make movies. Inspectah Deck is still catching, and he knows when his pitchers are lying and he sees them play themselves, and he proves that he is truly the Inspectah when he takes them to court right there on the mound. Gza, the genius, is still pitching smart as the third starter in a rotation where he continuously needs to be the stopper. And the Rza, the sharpest one out of the whole clan, he's still the closer, although he's made his share of blunders, be they razor sharp blunders.

That though, is where the old clan, ceases in looking like the new clan. When we were growing up in the nineties, Raekwon played right field, and he worked beautifully with Ghostface, who played center field on some 'now you see me, now you don't,' and the two enjoyed great success as teammates, although they had a true contrast in styles. The erratic U-god played second base and Nas played first base, even though he never got to make enough songs with the clan. Cappadonna played left field and the Ol' Dirty Bastard was the designated hitter. Masta Killa played third base, and if you think back, he was the MVP on one album. But all of those members have been replaced. The clan thought that Mos Def would be a fitting replacement for Ghostface in center field, and thought that their same lack of the throwing arm of real lyrical coherence would trick the fans into thinking that they were the same player. Raekwon was replaced by anyone the clan thought would put fear into right-handed pitchers, and many, from major stars like Ludacris to smaller utility players like Royce da 5' 9" have been used for one or two years.




For a while, the clan's best pitcher was 1998 ALCS MVP Kool G. Rap, and even though he was already so old, he was still pitching last year. Around the time that people were wondering if Rza still had it, two of the clan's albums failed. Gza worked on his solo projects in the other league. Power, the clan's manager, panicked. Getting Jay-Z, people thought, would be the thing that would return the clan to greatness, but Jay-Z was never really beloved by the serious Wu-Tang enthusiasts, and even the best struggled to lift up a clan that didn't want to be lifted. In the face of coming through looking flavorful in 2004, they failed against some Dr. Seuss, Mother Goose, simple-minded dudes. Their Wallabee shoes couldn't save them, even up three-nothing.




Most of the occurrences that happen to the clan are only newsworthy because they happen to the clan. When Shymeek from 212 busted his plane into the side of a building, most in the clan didn't even know him, but he was still down. There were dormant years. They never shut down all that playa bullshit and the game changed. People wondered if it was time to break the clan apart or if the formula they always used would work for the younger generation. Well the clan is back. The new place where they do their shows is perfect-dark and gritty. When it rains, it looks like a great place to wear your Champion hoody and black Timberlands. Like a dark New York Street corner, or a project hallway. When April comes back around, I advise you, move from the gate.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Problem With Americans


I have a friend who writes an atheism blog, and recently, his "Ask an Atheist" section has warranted a whole lot of replies. Although it's intriguing, I still haven't come up with a question of my own. But in the last week, I've been slowly wondering if the situation between Tiger Woods and his wife has exposed the ugliest side of Americans, and if God really intended for there to be civilization as we know it.


I know my friend's first argument too well: God is a product of civilization. And based on knowledge, facts and faith, I can either argue that point all day, or choose not to. We live in a country that allows arguments and ambivalence. I could have chosen not to pay attention to Tiger Woods this week. I could have ignored every opinion. But the implosion of the American media has been too great to ignore. Our media has been incredibly consumed with gossip, and the particulars of an individual's life. The fact that it's thrown upon us is even worse, and the fact that so many care is proof that unimportant things are officially at the forefront of American thinking.


But even the term "American thinking" seems like an oxymoron. Americans are examining this domestic situation through perspectives that involve no thinking, and no reason. What escapes this generation of gossip-media enthusiasts is that they are not new. One hundred years ago and one thousand years ago there were "common people" and artists, royalty, tycoons and clergy in positions of grace and power over those common people, and that's always been how they've made their money. The separation and the fascination has always been there-the commoners obsessed with living vicariously, and the powerful looking to capitalize. But within those most powerful individuals, there are those who are the absolute best at what they do, or the most important. There has only been one Benjamin Franklin, or Michael Jordan or John F. Kennedy each. There will be only one transcendent, dedicated and skilled golfer like Tiger Woods, and to get to that level, like with all other in history like him, there was a glitch in the way he saw the world. These people are just different. They see a different set of possibilities and impossibilities than we do. The notion that they are human in the same mental way we are is silly. We like comfort, and like like being the best. There is no settling in them. It's difficult for them to understand that something in life can't be had, won or bought, and even with that, satisfactions come few and far between.


The way regular men buy cars to impress women, they buy women to impress the public. They marry them and have children. They cheat with exotic women like they drive exotic cars for the weekend. These women aren't like their wives and shouldn't be. When you're buying the world, and winning the rest of it, and charming your way into whats left, you might treat everyone differently. Many don't understand that. They condemn the lives they allow. What's worse though is that there's media coverage of all of it. There was no TMZ in 1975, so we didn't know about Muhammad Ali's mistresses until the biopic with Will Smith was released. And for good reason. Any opportunity for Americans to act like commoners or worse, an opinionated mob; to act like those in history who burned accused witches at the stake or spent more votes on the American Idol finale than the Presidential election, would have been too much to bear.


The evolution of technology and media has renewed the common person's spirit for engaging in gossip, and if we knew every instance of infidelity or if it was plainly thrown in our faces that famous people are not like us, it always crushes and intrigues us. When Charles Barkley told us that he wasn't a role model, he was taking for granted that people understood that those who are the best at what they do have to be good parents to their own children, and good husbands and wives. We usually only worry about that person's image. If we were really worried about the person, we'd leave them alone and understand that we will never, ever be them.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Intelligent Answer


Allen Iverson retired today, and a few years ago, that would have been a huge deal to me and all of the other sports fans in the country. Remembering Iverson at Georgetown or in that stellar rookie year with the Seventy-Sixers or his ephemeral surge in the 2000 NBA Finals is remembering who you were at the time. Allowing yourself to root for Allen Iverson was to punch your card to coolness in the last fifteen years, in the same way it was cool to root for any rebel in any rebellious era. Those individuals exhibit the control of controlling the unknown, controlling the mystery and intrigue of a hard life and a stubborn mentality. But Allen Iverson has never been a player of control, and when given the verbal spotlight, his honesty is almost always an insight into how little control he has over himself and his life. For that, I've learned to have little patience for Allen Iverson and athletes like him.

Don't confuse it, I think that a young black man covered in tattoos can be whatever he wants in America if he has both the skill and mental capacity. Iverson is a rare display of skill and quickness that in the ways players like Bernard King and Dwayne Wade could use his skill set to give the NBA a unique and unstoppable game. But unstoppable doesn't always win, and neither did Iverson, but not because he wasn't good or deserving. Bruce Bowen has three more NBA titles than Allen Iverson because he never felt the need to appeal to a wholly childish fan-base by arguing the importance of practice or weight-training. Iverson felt it necessary to joke about the two during his rift with Larry Brown, and no one had the courage at the time to say, "hey Allen, maybe if you went to practice more often, you, the coach and the bunch of guys paid to sit around and watch you every night might be on the same page, and if you did some weight training, you might be able to get your one hundred and sixty-pound frame through a full season."

Iverson never understood these sorts of complicated, grown-up athlete ideas, and if he did personally, he was intent on showing through his self-created persona that these things didn't matter to him, and as an adult, I now know why so many parents cringed when they saw their young children practicing the Iverson carryover dribble at their bedroom mirrors. For so long I've wanted Allen Iverson to be more of a professional, and that has little to do with hair cuts and tattoos. It's easy to like players with dynamic skill sets, and immediately, the excitement generated from athletes like Jay Cutler, Joba Chamberlain, Derrick Rose, Vince Young, Michael Beasley, Terrell Owens and others comes to mind. Not all of these athletes though, are typically selfish. What they are, is undisciplined, and that lack of discipline resonates everywhere, from missed free throws, to bad reality shows, to depression, it shows. They are even more undisciplined in posture and body language, and with some of these players in serious leadership roles-point guards and quarterbacks especially-these players play their teams into games with their skill, and play their teams out of games with a lack of control.

Their biggest problem though, as has been Iverson's, is that they're no longer interested in their league if a player like them is no longer an asset. Iverson has failed to realize for many years that his teams can't really win because like all other leagues in professional sports, the NBA changes. An undersized ball-demanding former point guard and now shooting guard simply isn't a hot commodity in the NBA and never was. He had a special skill set for his size, and he still does. At one time, he was an unpredictable and unstoppable weapon in the professional game. Now, teams in the NBA need as much ball-flow as a collegiate team, and the stagnant offenses of the nineties are gone. Mature and disciplined players in all sports change their games to suit the league's style. It's why Kobe Bryant has chosen so many styles of play in his career, he's been making yearly adjustments to the changes in the league. I firmly believe that if players like Jason Terry or Moe Williams were replaced with Allen Iverson, that the Mavericks and the Cavaliers would be the favorites in their respective conferences. But Iverson would ignorantly admit that he'd be looking for Dirk Nowitzki's or Lebron James' shots, and it sickens me to know that a future hall-of-famer who has never won a championship would feel that way.

Even if an athlete felt that way, common sense should tell them to be quiet to everyone about it, the way when you get in an argument with your wife and you pull a gun, it stays your business. The world doesn't have to know what type of people these athletes are, and it seems to me that the ones obsessed with projecting their personalities onto us, are far less mature than those who don't, as players and as people. I'm very glad that I don't know about Tim Duncan or Albert Pujols' love lives, and I commend athletes like Alex Rodriguez and Dirk Nowitzki for remaining professional during times of real female turmoil in their personal lives (although Rodriguez, the dramatic diva sometimes likes to call the public's attention to his loins with a bullhorn). For the most part, athletes who desire attention need to do more to remain at the highest level just to play distractions out of their heads, but players like Iverson have always brought on distractions and disorder. He was seen as the bad influence on the 2004 Olympic basketball team, and was black-balled from the 2008 team by Jerry Colangelo early in the selections at a time when he was still a very relevant player in the NBA, just as he and his style of play have been proven to be an irrelevant side-show today and he can't find a perfect fit in the NBA.

I still have a deep love for super-stardom, improvisation, and uncanny abilities in sports, but the direct sacrifice of intelligence for those things in sports is something that deeply annoys me, and it's why YMCA's, recreational leagues, Semi-pro leagues and batting cages all over the country are full of guys who well all know can be used at the next level. The reality is though, that professional leagues are looking for professional people, and if they can't train a great athlete to be a professional athlete, then that athlete never really stays around for too long.

Friday, November 6, 2009

A Retro Movie Review


This is a country where satirical humor is too often mistaken for silly humor, so to many, "Idiocracy" (2006) is a silly movie. Mike Judge, the movie's writer and director is a creator who's main objective is to beat his point to death, from the monotony of workplaces in Office Space (2006) to the stupidity of suburban teenage life in the "Beavis and Butthead" television series. He aims always to overdo things so that we will understand how overdone they are in our own lives, but usually leaves us with no real solution. We all can't display solo office mutiny like Peter in Office Space because most who work in offices have their lives wrapped around their jobs, and aren't willing to unravel it unles they're say, a twenty-something young man. The deeper problem in Mike Judge's projects is that the offices exist, that the suburbs exist, and in Idiocracy, it's that without a doubt, people everywhere are stupid.


The movie's protagonist is Joe Bauers, played by Luke Wilson, an Army librarian, and a slacker if only in terms of his complete disregard for initiative, is chosen for a United States Government experiment where an "average American" would be frozen for one year along with a private citizen. The private citizen is Rita, a prostitute played by Saturday Night Live actress Maya Rudolph. The problems that follow with the experiment are indicative of our current times. Corruption and mishandling lead to shutdowns, and then neglect. The year passed, and four hundred and ninety-nine more pass after. Joe Bauers awakes from his frozen sleep to a mess of a world.


Instantly sensory things are pressed upon the viewer. The local language is laced with profanities, everything is dirty and everyone is fat. Joe's speech, though normal in our time, seems wholly effeminate to anyone who hears. There is a real need to show the instant change in customs, but to also show how many of those future customs exist today, even if suppressed. The movie says that if we're oversexed, then we're going to be even more oversexed then, to the point where our species is out of control. The movie says that if we don't take care of our environment and bodies, then the neglect will begin to slowly destroy us. What's obvious and makes this movie pure satire though is that with the existing problems in the movie, the earth could not have possibly lasted past one hundred years after our time. If only the truly uneducated and unmotivated had children as the movie claims is happening now at a rapid rate, then in a century we will have compounded the damage we've already done to the earth with a swarming overpopulation and we will have created our own apocalypse with one or many scenarios.


So the movie, although realistic, isn't. If you can understand that. It's realistic that the movie is based around a search for a time-machine at a Costco, because to us, a Costco would have everything a person could possibly need. The Costco in the movie also has a greeter who says "welcome to Costco, I love you" on repeat, at all times. Mike Judge's genius shows the minor details of this movie. The F-word is prevalent everywhere in the movie, and it is quite common for the President of the United States to yell out "Fuck You!" when being greeted by supporters. So those going to Costco, the intelligent outcasts looking for a huge bargain like those same intelligent outcasts in our time need the opposite of what society usually receives to feel comfortable.


Companies and advertisements rule the country's psyche. The only way successful people make real money for themselves is to advertise on or use themselves. The American sensory overload is present on everyone's face, and especially on the face of Joe's state-appointed lawyer, Frito (many people in the movie are named after junk foods, as many in our society are named after liquors and brand names) played by Dax Shepard, formerly of MTV's Punk'd. Frito is a human display of the the sensory shutdowns taking place in everyone everywhere. He has trouble reasoning anything for more than fifteen seconds, and his favorite show is "Ow My Balls." He, like everyone everywhere has trouble expanding his vocabulary outside of fifty words. What Idiocracy claims will happen is that there will be an overtaking of our society by the uncultured and uneducated, whereas if now, we have three hundred million people, then fifty percent of them are wholly inadequate in intelligence, but five hundred years from now, there are maybe one billion people, ninety-five percent of which are inadequate in intelligence.


By the time you realize this, it scares you. It may be the third time you watch the movie that it pops into your head and you're scared for our future. It's why I personally believe that Judge chose five hundred years. He could have made it one hundred years and the pretentious Americans living now who believe they'll live for two-hundred years on Mountain Dew and Coldstone would have been too scared out of their minds to finish the movie. But in it's original release, almost no one saw Idiocracy, and it's cult following grew through key Showtime, Cinemax and HBO broadcasts. Idiocracy is a great movie for people who often open their eyes, look around, and wonder where all of this dumbness and numbness could possibly go. The answer? Nowhere fast. The solution? None in sight.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

What I came to understand about sports in 2009

"The game has kept faith with the public, maintaining its old admission price for nearly thirty years while other forms of entertainment have doubled and tripled in price. And it will probably never change."

-Connie Mack



It took a while, but I've finally realized why the old men in the expensive seats in Yankee Stadium had such big smiles on their faces when I was younger. It was because they understood that their seat with the padded back meant a better show than my bench in the bleachers, and that was because they understood that it was all a show. Those Bleacher Creatures sitting around me at the time felt that they got the better show, because for one, they created the seventy-five percent of the show they lost to their poor view, and second, because they were the more passionate fans. Passion has it's place, and being quietly passionate is a trait that every decent person should possess, but boisterous, lewd passion for a team and against it's rivals has no place in sports.




That's because being a "super fan" isn't much more special than being a super fan and follower of a musical act or and actor. They're no better than people who go together in wizard costumes to Harry Potter movies. On a smaller scale, those who plainly argue to the point of sheer anger on Yankees/Red Sox, Lakers/Celtics/Cavaliers, Florida/Texas/USC, or any such debate is no better than those who argue for Blackberry over the iPhone, or the Maxima over the Camry, or white wine over red. Sports are something to be enjoyed, as we enjoy our cellular phones and cars, our theater and our movies. Some like action and vulgarity, and some like refinement. Our loyalties to these things are sometimes unhealthy and expensive addictions. Those in our society who enjoy life's pleasures in moderation-good scotch, a good record, a good team, are usually the most cultured in our society, and I aspire to be one of those men. I aspire to be in the front row at the main event in Las Vegas, and I'd like to sit at the fifty yard-line at Lambeau field. I want to sit in Wrigley Field where men in derbies sat a hundred years before discussing how dignifired it is to attend a ballgame. That's because all of these teams we root for are corporations trying to produce a product, put on the best show, and make money. The New York Giants produce football and the Los Angeles Dodgers produce baseball. Only there's no award for the Cell Phone of the year that matters to millions of people, the awards come in wins and championships.


I've come to have more respect for owners of teams. Rich men, playing fantasy baseball or football with live players, staffs, and fans. George Steinbrenner would like his legacy to be highlighted by the success of the New York Yankees, and to me, that's a dignified thing. At twenty-eight, I finally realize what it means to watch sports the way a man should. If your team can't win, understand why, if they're really good, understand that too. Understand that there's a reason ESPN discusses a team's ownership and management almost as much as they'll discuss the players. Teams that win hire winners at every position always win, it's just a coincidence that those people draft and hire winners to play on the field. To me, that adds more beauty to sports than a few colors and a city.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

An Intelligent World Series Preview


The last time I was this excited for the World Series was twenty years ago. The Athletics were playing the Giants and I wanted the Bash Brothers to win worse than anyone could understand, even though I thought that players like Will Clark and Kevin Mitchell would be tough outs. The Yankees were terrible especially after trading my favorite player, Rickey Henderson back to Oakland, and the stock market was crashing, so my mother was working crazy hours. I was lost in the World Series every night, and at home alone before the Internet and cell phones when I saw that sick look on Al Michaels' face when he felt that earthquake. Game three was played after a ten-day postponement, and eventually, the A's won in a prolonged sweep.

The great show of the World Series can be anticipated like Americans anticipate the return of American Idol, or the pageantry of an election. It's one of our country's most beautiful, majestic and authentic spectacles. It's one of the few things that have been visually amazing for one-hundred years, before and after television. this year though, is compelling-mostly because the World Series is rarely as compelling as it's billed. That 1989 series, "the earthquake series," was compelling even though it ended in a sweep. Since that series, not many World Series have been between two teams that were supposed to be there, and only the Yankees/Braves series in 1996 was a series between two very special teams.

And that is why the 2009 series is perfect.

Home runs, good pitchers, nice stadiums, good teams. Very good teams. The Yankees against the reigning World Series Champion. When is the last time that happened? 1996. Visually, it's a perfect series. Blue against red. Scrappy players. Passionate fans.

Here are some things to watch out for as you enjoy this most sexy World Series:


Watch out for the Phillies to punch the Yankees in the mouth

The Phillies play more of an American League style than any of the teams the Yankees have played in the playoffs, and they hit, hit home runs, and score runs in bunches. No one in their lineup should have a problem with C.C. Sabathia or A.J. Burnett. The Phillies will have trouble with the Yankees' bullpen so look for the Phillies to score, or try to score early in most games, and watch for the Phillies' Ryan Madson to be trouble on the Yankees batters he faces.

Don't take your eyes off Jimmy Rollins


Players like Jimmy Rollins are wild cards in these types of series, because intangibles win World Series. Good teams need to be broken down, and when the Yankees are broken down it's by impact players like Chone Figgins, Jacoby Ellsbury and anyone who makes things happen. It's because taking extra bases and forcing them to play perfect baseball is the only way to have a chance against very good teams.

Watch for Robinson Cano to take over the games in Philadelphia

At Cano's spot in the lineup, he can do real damage late in games and deep into the Phillies bullpen. At least two possible left-handed Phillies starters in Philadelphia means late-inning pitching changes to right-handed pitchers to face the top of the lineup, and no changes for Cano. Meaning look for a lot of Cano against righties in a park where he can show his skills.

Watch the Phillies' pitch sequences to the Yankees' hitters


The Phillies worst flaw or Phlaw is the way their pitchers pitch batters. They're deep into the National League style of pitching and their pitch selection is so typical of stationary baseball-fastballs when behind, nibble when ahead. The problem with this style is that teams like the Yankees were constructed to seek out and typically blow up this style of pitch selection. If you look back to the way the Twins' bullpen pitched the Yankees it was quite the same way (think Joe Nathan), and think back to the way Brian Fuentes, for the most part a National League pitcher, pitched Alex Rodriguez in a key situation (he tried to nibble on the corner on an 0-2 count and Rodriguez hit an opposite-field home run). The Yankees will have no problems at all deep in counts, and that is where their success should come.

Watch out for Pedro in game two


Don't be confused, Charlie Manuel knew exactly what he was doing by pitching Pedro Martinez in game two in Yankee Stadium against a team full of players he's faced before. It was a good play, and even better play because Cole Hamels should look better than he has been at home in game three.

Watch out for surprises

Watch for Joe Girardi to out-manage Charlie Manuel. Watch out for pinch-hitters and runners. Watch out for Greg Dobbs and Matt Stairs. When two good teams get together, their great components usually cancel each other out, and the things you least expect make the difference.

Enjoy


On a side note, both LCS MVPs were black. First time ever. I hope it gets more black children playing the game.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Discussing Something Serious...



News Africa

Rape used as weapon in DR Congo


The Democratic Republic of Congo is grappling with rampant rape, which has become an every day practice and is used as a weapon of war, the UN has said.

It said almost 5,400 cases of rape against women were reported in the South Kivu province during the first six months of the year.

Elisabeth Byrs, a spokeswoman for the UN Office for the Co-ordination of Humanitarian Affairs, said South Kivu, near Rwanda, was an increasingly dangerous place for civilians, especially for women.

"Night-time attacks against civilians by unidentified armed elements, and rape against women, remain widespread," Byrs said.

About 90 per cent of the rapes are allegedly committed by armed groups or regular forces.

Nabwemba Natabaro, a woman in South Kivu, told Al Jazeera that she had been held in the bush for two months and repeatedly gang raped, after being abducted from her village.

"My family thought I had been killed and lost all hope of ever seeing me. Then I managed to escape. I was very sick," she said.

Her family brought her to a hospital where she was diagnosed with HIV.

'Tortured by attackers'

Rossette Kavira, a gynaecologist at a hospital in the town of Goma, said: "There isn’t a single day that we don't get raped women coming to the hospital. This explains how widespread the problem is.

"Almost all victims require surgery due to bleeding or wounds inflicted through torture by their attackers."

Due to the huge numbers of rape victims, some women have to wait for months for reconstructive surgery.

Dede Amanor-Wilks, Action Aid's director for West and Central Africa, said many rape cases go unreported.

"Currently the DRC [Democratic Republic of Congo] is thought to have the highest incident of rape in the world, but statistics that come to surface are only a fraction probably of the rapes that actually occur," she told Al Jazeera.

"Different statistics are coming up in different parts of the eastern DRC all the time. One commonly used statistic is that there are about 400 rapes a day."

Al Jazeera's Mohammed Adow, reporting from Goma, said there were growing fears that the use of rape was turning into a norm in the DR Congo conflict.

"Rape has been used by all armed groups as a weapon that is more readily available than bullets and bombs.

"In many cases the social stigma associated with rape leaves the survivors shunned by husbands, parents and their communities," he said.

The fighting in the eastern DRC between UN-backed Congolese government forces and Rwandan Hutu rebels have worsened in recent months.

The country hosts one of the biggest UN aid operations. Hundreds of thousands of people in the east of the country have been driven from their homes due to fighting, many of whom need protection from violent attacks.


Source: Al Jazeera and agencies





Obviously there are things that make the news around the world that never make the news here. That's for good reason. Things like this bring too many emotions out of the average American. It can scare, enrage and engage us all at once. Some are too sickened to read, and some might just cry because Americans never really know how to handle their emotions anyway. The prior article might have been commonplace reading in say, South America, where passion and war and suffering are all understood, and the news is much different. Americans, in their comfort with the with the seclusion of the United States are usually intrigued, but not too intrigued by the sad story so far away. Stories like this though, scare the daylights out of everyone. It brings back the American's deepest fear, the lowest elements of life.

This country's resounding fear is obvious-we fear things that are beneath us. We fear dirt, poor people because they're belligerent, homeless people and rats because they live on the lowest and most basic level of life. We fear those without compassion, or compassion for themselves or their people. We fear those with no compassion for life, babies, for the female reproductive system. These are the things in our minds that we want furthest away from dirt, and the lowest things that exist. So our view of war and the several continuing wars on this earth is a slightly blindfolded one. We are semi-conscious of the ones we are involved in, a few more than half are against what we're doing, and for the most part, all of us "support the troops" whether it means clapping in stadiums or sporting a bumper sticker.

But war is obviously more real than a bunch of white guys in tan tanks rolling through the desert. War happens everywhere. It breaks out in villages and cities all over the world. Despicable tactics are used all the time, and people suffer. In Congo, just as in some other African nations, war means pillaging. It means making the scars, wounds and losses of that war permanent. We're used to civilized war, shooting from far away, and traveling to the other side of the world. We're not used to war in our homes and in our beds. In no way do we understand how sex and rape could be used as a weapon, and for all of those reasons, stories like this aren't ones that reach the average American.

If you've never understood it before, it's why we're obviously so hated. Being able to feel so untouchable and civilized that we live above things that are realities breeds resentment. The United States marketed itself for so long as a free, capitalist, free-enterprise place that those multitudes of immigrants who came here in the last two-hundred years saw the disconnect between foreign and domestic affairs as a positive if things were so positive in the United States. The American people have enjoyed it so much that it's increased year-to-year. War is nothing but a television show in a far off place unless you know people fighting, and most Americans can't name three African nations. Suffering around the world is simply far less important than an all-new One Tree Hill, or a Facebook status update about the weather. So, if you were sickened by the article, I was too, but the same way those people who committed those atrocious acts had no regard for the suffering of humans, neither do we, really.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Putting it into words...Why Tony Romo Sucks


I've always said that your NFL team is like your girlfriend. You think all week about what you're going to to with your alone time on Sunday. Getting to see her on Monday nights means that she's special. Opening the season on Thursday night means that you've just had a good year. You work all week to save money to travel with her and if you see her and she disappoints you, you question your relationship. Your team's running backs are her breasts, the things that visually get the most play, and if they're big and move quickly, they're an asset. The wide receivers are her stomach, if their routes are crisp, they make everything look good, if not, nothing can ever look just right. On the flipside, her back is the defensive line, where an up-and-down rush is most coveted. Her legs are the linebackers, lean, fast, and thought by some to be better than any pair of running backs. Her butt is the combination of defensive backs, evenly distributing to cancel out a bad wide receiver group. Her hair is the special teams, the wild-card or the afterthought, although some coaches preach the importance of special teams. Her face is the offensive line, working always to protect the quarterback, which is her personality. Her parents are the coaches, and your girlfriend will be pretty to other men with or without you.



My team's, or girlfriend's personality unfortunately is Tony Romo, and that's only because I've always had the same girlfriend, disappointing as life with her has been for this common-law marriage. I've seen every snap that Tony Romo has taken in the NFL, including wild under- or over-thrown interceptions where his real girlfriend was shown on camera immediately after, multiple fumbles in single games, Favre-like meltdowns, losses where all of the opposing team's points were results of his turnovers, and fumbled holds that result in ended seasons and Bill Parcells quitting (again).




My estimation?




Tony Romo sucks. There is no player costing his team more points on a week-to-week basis. There are fifteen million problems with the Dallas Cowboys, and even more people out there who simply hate them, and right now, they're one of the five worst teams in the league. Their roster isn't very talented, and their coaches, from top to bottom are even less talented. Wholesale changes need to and will come, but right now, my girlfriend's personality is killing me, and you can see it all over her face. She's erratic. Everyone thinks she's pretty, and you know how a pretty girl's head can get when everyone out there thinks that everyone else likes her. She gets away with a lot from everyone because of how she looks when she's dressed up. Otherwise, she can't handle responsibility, to please me, to be faithful even to herself, to be a positive reflection of her parents, or to be someone I want to stay around. I liked her before people thought she was pretty, even back when we were both young and she was the cutest girl in school. But this personality she has now is hurting me and everyone around me. Now I find myself fantasizing about girls with even personalities. Now that's sexy-just let the whole package carry them through, I like that. They're not always the prettiest, but they win, and wins feel good.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Short Story-The Season of Change

When the matter was brought up on the House floor the day before the holiday recess, a few people, present and at home watching on C-Span, snickered about the things that the United States Government and the one hundred and eleventh Congress take time to mull over. Nevertheless, even with the intense public separation, the Professional Sports Reform act of 2009 was passed with a two-thirds majority, and a new House Subcommittee on Athletic Entertainment was formed to examine the major sports and the grumblings about their flaws, and be given complete control to adjust that sport’s structures and customs to suit the likings of the American public. It was argued in the House of Representatives that fully capturing the American public’s interest and locking it into sports would re-solidify the economy, and that perfecting the way the three major sports appeared to the average person would be key to that result.

It began on December tenth during Major League Baseball’s winter meetings when one of the first non-House proponents of the idea, Senator Arlen Spector (D-PA) held a press conference to announce some emergency changes to the upcoming baseball season. It was told to us, from his MLB-adorned podium that it was in the best interest of the new-age fan and the baseball purist to shorten the major league baseball season.
“It has seemed,” bellowed Senator Spector, “that those we’ve surveyed and will survey with the upcoming census are seeking major reform from all three of the major professional sports, but that baseball needs the most careful attention.”
To please those who dislike the Wild Card playoff format in baseball, the season was first shortened to one hundred and fifty-four games, as it was before 1961. This way, to the elation of baseball purists, many of the steroid-era records of one hundred and sixty-two games were voided, and the season was still long enough to give a clear indication of who the better teams and the best players were. Spector explained further that it was determined by researchers that the baseball season was a long enough time frame to make a clear determination on individual awards, but the separation of power in baseball proved that even a two hundred game schedule would not produce a clear champion amongst seven or eight elite teams, so the playoffs were lengthened again. With four rounds of baseball playoffs beginning the third week of September, Americans would be able to see good baseball and good teams for nearly two months, increasing playoff interest and revenue for the sport.

There was no widespread disagreement as many in government had expected, but it was expected that teams would play much more differently with less games on the schedule. Analysts began to compare the new baseball playoff system to the NBA’s, citing that the NBA playoffs, long as they may be, is a two-month festival of good teams and good ratings, and usually produces an undoubted champion. Stepping away from basketball’s lead though, Major League Baseball decided on its own to take the House subcommittee’s decisions one step further and return to the balanced schedule. They also eliminated Inter-league play, so that every team would play every team at a time when divisional impact would come to matter much less, and two teams that hadn’t played would meet in the World Series.

In February, after the Super Bowl and during the harshest point of labor negotiations, the House Subcommittee took the avoidance of their mission by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell as a sign that they’d need to step over even his power. Two days before the start of Major League Baseball’s spring training, Jennifer and Judith Kemp, daughters of the late congressman Jack Kemp, made a public appearance without the consent of the NFL to read a posthumous letter written by their father almost one year earlier and five weeks before his death. In the letter, Kemp maps out the way he’d choose to adjust the NFL season, and for four days, television analysts argued about everything from Kemp’s idea of an eighteen-game schedule with only two preseason games, to the validity of the letter. The letter and it’s emotional reading though caught hold of the public, and the event gained much more notoriety than originally expected.


By early March, media polls showed that seventy percent of people were in favor of changing the NFL season in some way, and Major League Baseball teams were very aware of the United States’ government’s power. General managers began to comprise their teams based on the one hundred and fifty-four game schedule, expecting teams around the Major Leagues to take every game and every position in the standings much more seriously. Right away, the push by teams like the Royals, Pirates and Reds to be included in with baseball’s elite teams was evident. Most teams used a four-man pitching rotation even though Major League rosters were still allowed to contain twenty-five players. On some teams, bullpens enlarged, in hopes that there would be more pitchers to get good hitters out late in games. Some teams added extra hitters so that no lead would be safe late in games. After one month, the Los Angeles Angels had the best record in baseball, at the All-Star Break, the Minnesota Twins held that distinction. Series throughout the schedule became hard-fought battles that changed the standings and playoff picture every day. Josh Beckett and Zack Greinke were each on a pace to make forty-three starts, but each already had ten no-decisions. David Ortiz hit twelve home runs in April, eighteen in May, and fourteen in June, and everyone was sure that this would be the year that a designated hitter would win the Most Valuable Player award.

The strange things that happened next truly shocked the American public. Unable to negotiate a new collective bargaining agreement, and amidst intense pressure to adjust the NFL season from the government and those ignorant to the business of the NFL, Roger Goodell resigned without fanfare or visible animosity, and it was understood that the NFL would endure at least one season without a salary cap. Four days later, former NFL wide receiver and former United States Representative of the first district of Oklahoma, Steve Largent was chosen to be the NFL’s next commissioner. With friends in the House, most were sure that the newest House subcommittee would be more than able to impose their will on Largent and the NFL. In July, a week after NBA commissioner David Stern announced that government research had shown no need to adjust their playoff format, but did determine that adding nine games to the regular season and consecutive three-game series to every season series would benefit their regular season, the NFL announced their plans to overhaul the NFL season.

Largent, along with the Kemp Daughters and head of the NFL player’s association, Demaurice Smith held a press conference in New York City to announce the changes to the upcoming NFL season. It was one day before the Hall of Fame inductions, and all thirty-two NFL ownership groups were put on notice that there would be eighteen games on the upcoming NFL schedule. Every team would play two preseason games and bye weeks would become two-weeks long. As Largent explained to Charlie Rose later that week, the adjustments dealt with all aspects of professional football:
“Now, I know two-week breaks will be the most controversial issue of this plan, but we’ve gotta generate fan interest in cities like Jacksonville and San Diego. The only way to get that done is to deprive them of football mid-season. The good teams will get rest and stirring interest from the fans, the bad teams will give their fans a break from losing, then, two weeks later it’s ‘oh, the Lions are on, haven’t thought about them in a while. Who are they playing? Vikings? Sweet. Let’s sit down and enjoy this. ’ Fans will want our league so much more that blackouts will never again be a problem. Hell, we may have to scrap that rule altogether.”

Like their counterparts in baseball, NFL coaches and general managers adjusted according to what they believed might work better for them, and most decided that a longer season could be played like a baseball season. By the time the week eight bye weeks came for teams, and everyone had played seven games so there were no even records, the upstart San Fransisco 49ers were 6-1, having steamrolled teams defensively winning five games against the Steelers, Cardinals, Ravens, Seahawks and Cowboys by three points or less. It was a time when, like in the first two months of the baseball season, a few teams might coast to build into a playoff spot and be at full pace for the playoffs. The Steelers, Patriots, Giants and Titans all met the week-seven bye week with 3-4 records, figuring that if the sixteen-game schedule brought as many as three or four turns in team’s season, then and eighteen-game schedule might mean one more.


During that time, the baseball pennant races became so exciting that September baseball even closely competed with regular season football games for ratings. White Sox General Manager Kenny Williams was one of those who constructed their teams to build in strength throughout the season, and the Minnesota Twins continued to play the old style of coasting through the end of the baseball season, and were dismantled by teams battling for eight playoff spots. They lost seventeen of their final twenty games. The White Sox and Twins ended up tied after one hundred and fifty-four games and emergency meetings were held to determine if a one-game playoff was even needed. President Obama made a brief suggestion that day in passing a reporter that “if they’re going to copy the NFL on everything, they should just make runs for, and runs against the tiebreaker…” and everyone who heard the statement collectively nodded in agreement and it was settled the very next day.

In the American League, the New York Yankees were the top seeded team, with a record of 101-53 and with eight players who hit thirty or more home runs. Then came the Twins, White Sox, Angels, Mariners, Red Sox, Orioles and on the final day of the season, the Royals found a way to edge out the Athletics for the final playoff spot. The Royals were promptly swept by the Yankees, the Orioles/Twins series was so cold for the Minnesota home games that Oriole management filed an official protest with Major League Baseball on grounds that, as Baltimore Orioles Owner Peter Angelos put it, “The games should have been temporarily moved to the Metrodome or out of Minnesota altogether on grounds that someone should have had the decency to respect baseball as a warm-weather game.” The Orioles did not score a run in the three games played there. The Red Sox and White Sox played four extra-inning games in a five-game series, but only the Red Sox pitching could help them after David Ortiz’ hip injury in August, and the White Sox shocked them with a 1-0 win in game five. Ichiro had thirteen hits in four games and the Angels couldn’t score more than the four or five runs that he usually produced by himself, and the Mariners advanced to play the Twins.

In the National League, the Chicago Cubs went 103-51 and were the top seed, followed by the Mets, Dodgers, Phillies, Rockies, Marlins, Padres and Cardinals. Intriguing from the start, the Cardinals/Cubs first-round series ended ephemerally with a three game sweep by the Cardinals that shocked the baseball world. The Dodgers lost four three-run leads in four different games and lost three of them to the Marlins. The Phillies/Rockies series saw eighty-five total runs in four games, and seven home runs by Ryan Howard, a record at the time for any post-season series. The Phillies played the Mets in the next series after a Mets’ sweep of San Diego, and so began one of the great post-season series ever played. Meeting less times throughout the year because of a balanced schedule, the Phillies and Mets renewed their rivalry with a seven-game series that featured one hundred and sixty runs, forty-three home runs, forty-two walks (twenty-five of them intentional), a four-home run game by Raul Ibañez, three-home run games from Ryan Howard and Chase Utley in the same game, a huge brawl in game five that got all the major stars in the series suspended for four games, and a game-winning single by Cole Hamels in game seven during an emergency relief appearance that won Phildelphia the series.

Eventually, the Phillies lost two rounds later in the National league Championship Series in six games to the Marlins and in the American League, the Yankees beat Minnesota to meet and sweep Florida in the World Series. The Yankees played as if every game mattered throughout the regular season, and were commended not only for winning the World Series, but for handling the change in the schedule so smoothly. It was a season of extreme parity unlike any we’d ever experienced in baseball, and many upstart teams proved that there would no longer be an extreme separation of power. It was also a season for incredible attacking offenses. Lineups were stocked to destroy opposing pitchers, and the league-wide earned run average jumped nearly two runs. Alex Rodriguez won the American League Most Valuable Player award and was also the most valuable player of the World Series. Ryan Howard won the National League honor, and he also won the new award for the playoffs’ most outstanding player. Cliff Lee won the National League Cy Young award and Daisuke Matsuzaka won the American league award with a modern-record, 37-4 season.


One would have to say that the average American fan might have been slightly weary when the basketball season began and the football season was done with it’s endless bye-weeks, but the NBA season began without much concern, and soon turned into a season of hundreds of three-game, strategically-played series. Teams that drafted and scouted based on players’ abilities to defend, rebound and jump shoot used coaching strategies to neutralize other coaches’ strategies for three games in four days for every series. Purer, more intelligent basketball was everywhere. Teams took extensive time determining how to shackle players like Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and Dwayne Wade, but players like Dwight Howard and Chris Bosh were used like NFL running backs or strike-one pitchers in baseball, and coaches controlled the tempo for a game and a half or two games instead of one quarter at a time. Guards took calculated and important jump shots and the league-wide shooting percentage increased by eleven percent. For one week in December, no team scored more than one hundred points. No player under six feet, nine inches was in the top thirty scoring leaders, but ironically, regular powerhouses, Boston, Cleveland, Orlando, the Los Angeles Lakers, Houston, Denver and Dallas were all used to winning two or three games of each of the thirty three-game series and had exceptional records after forty-five games played.

The NFL season became so intense though that it was impossible for the American public to focus on anything else. The early portion of the season had no indications into the future, and to prove that, the Giants, Cardinals, Chargers and Steelers all enjoyed six-game winning streaks after their byes. Because the Eagles, 49ers, Chiefs and Titans all won their final six games, the first four teams never made the playoffs. Adrian Peterson ran for an NFL-record two thousand, four hundred and three yards in sixteen games before injuring his knee. He was also the NFL’s Most Valuable Player on a last-place team that won nine games.


Having kept the same playoff format, the NFL had twelve teams, six in each league, that were clearly better than the other twenty. The Packers, Redskins, Colts and Ravens all enjoyed first round byes with impressive fourteen-win seasons. In the AFC, the Chiefs hosted the Bengals, losing on a late Chad Ochocinco touchdown reception, 10-7, and the Titans traveled to New England to play the division-winning Patriots and won 17-3 after an early ankle injury to Randy Moss. The NFC playoffs were stocked with upstart teams who had great formulas for surviving the new season. The Cowboys had to travel to San Fransisco and lost to the defensive-minded 49ers 13-10, and the Bears traveled to New Orleans and matched every offensive score by the Saints with a defensive score on the Saints’ next possession or a kick return for a touchdown on every ensuing Saints kickoff, and edged the Saints in New Orleans 35-31.

By the time the new calendar year had set in, there was no question throughout our country that professional sports had officially become too chaotic for anyone who followed them to predict. Wagering on all sports increased tenfold and most of the NFL games throughout the regular season and playoffs had no betting line or had a final outcome that made the original betting line seem quite silly. Still, more people watched the Super Bowl between the Titans and Bears at Cowboys’ Stadium than any other television event ever. Kerry Collins was intercepted by Daniel Manning to seal a 27-21 win for Chicago with less than one minute remaining and the Bears were the Super Bowl Champions in the wildest and most exciting NFL season in recent memory. The NFL fan base was said to have increased by fifteen percent over the course of one season, and was expected to increase again with the excitement that each season would generate for the next.

The NBA playoffs began shortly after the second one hundred and fifty-four game Major League Baseball season began, and both battled to capture the public’s attention the way the NFL had. NBA teams were so used to playing series after series that the playoffs were a group of battles between solid teams that used extensive game plans and bruising strategies to stymie offenses and control game tempos. Teams relied even more heavily on rebounding and timely jump shooting. The 71-19 Orlando Magic did not lose a post-season game until the third round when they lost to the Atlanta Hawks, one of the few teams still playing the old style of basketball with scoring streaks and runs. For that one game, or the “Joe Johnson Game” as it was called, the Magic were honestly unprepared for things like smaller men attacking the basket, or multiple three-point shots, causing Dwight Howard to foul out after the first half, and Joe Johnson scored fifty points, the most by a guard since the adjustment of the schedule, making field goals at an 18-21rate. The Magic never lost another game in capturing the NBA championship that year over the Houston Rockets, and Dwight Howard was the league’s regular season, playoff’s and finals most valuable player, averaging seventy-two offensive touches per game. Twice during the season he had a one-hundred point game and six times he had fifty-rebound games.

By the MLB all-star break, there was no indication that sports new chaotic formats would change, but more people began to watch and attend sporting events than ever before. It became so fashionable to attend sporting events that ticket prices soared and the American fan became a quiet, dignified man, woman, or family that was less struck by the raucous and vulgar emotions that sports bring about in us. We became watchful and intelligent followers of each league. The changes intrigued us all. We wanted to watch and attend simply to be a part of history, and in the future, our legacy may be history to others.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Ten Types of Dumb Fans


I've long carried a theory that the fans of sports and it's teams and personalities differ in intelligence from region to region, and that I live in a region with fans on the lower end of that list. Still, dumb fans are everywhere: People in Florida think that Tim Tebow will be a relevant NFL quarterback. People in the Midwest would never suspect Albert Pujols of taking steroids. People everywhere hate certain teams because they win, or because referee's and officials blow calls in their favor. I've hated the Patriots since the 'Tuck Rule' game, and for that reason, I'm a dumb fan. Now, if you've decided to become a Patriots fan in that time, and you're say, thirty-eight years old, then you're also a dumb fan, who should go back to liking the 49ers. But there are ten basic types of dumb fans, and you may recognize some, or maybe one might read like a mirror.

The Casual Fan

This is the busiest and most common type of fan. These are people who, if they told it to you straight, have important things in their lives to care about, and that's why they can't they can't remember the MVP of the 1999 NLCS. They're committed to their careers and families, and they rarely know enough about any other subject to speak at length on it. They'd rather ask if you saw such-and-such game, let you talk about it, and gain the extent of their knowledge from you. They buy a jersey every few years, and they shy away from arguments with a smile and a change of the subject to something else in the newspaper, and everyone goes on with their lives.

The Drinking Fan

It's become an excuse when someone has something dumb to say and has included sports- "oh, he's drunk..." and everyone can laugh it off. But the true problem is that most of us drink to act the ways we want to act normally. So that means that guy who threw his beer on your eight year-old daughter's pink Drew Brees jersey on your family trip to Philadelphia, the first time you and your family could see your home town Saints since Hurricane Katrina took away your stability and banished you to your brother-in-law's garage in Morestown, New Jersey, that guy, he meant it, but didn't really. Gotta laugh it off. Gotta laugh off the 20 year-old girl in the bar with the Red Sox baby tee letting off lines of F-bombs at some guy with a yankee hat on who told her to shut up. They laugh it off, so do we. Intelligent fans also respect sports, and don't respect people who need alcohol to enjoy it.

The Blind Fan

These people are simple, they think they're team is good, better than yours in fact, and they have no real evidence to prove it. Really, they're just not interested in objectivity, and no, extreme optimism isn't objective. If their team can't actually elevate them above others they know, they will pretend, sometimes painfully.

The Rival Fan

These are people who are fans of teams because they're "tired" of their rival. I'd imagine that they also root for the underdogs in movies and grew up thinking that sometimes the guys with good personalities should get the girls. They hate the Yankees, the Patriots and the Lakers. They like gritty things, and things they think that the whole world likes the things and teams that win all the time. They never realize that they're the ones giving these things attention, and still giving teams like the Cowboys attention even though they've stopped winning. Most important though, their reason for liking their team is another team, and that's dumb.

The Franchise Fan

These are the polar opposite of the rival fans, and the people who the rival fans think are everywhere and everyone. They love the Lakers and Patriots. They love the Yankees and Cowboys because they used to be great. They're people from New Jersey who like the Detroit Red Wings. They're in love with a brand name. Many times they can be fed a name and a logo for years without the right amount of wins. They're waiting for their team to go back to their old style so that they can relive that era. They want Duke Basketball to play only white guys and the Pittsburgh Steelers to play solid defensive football forever, because like most others, they think that certain moments in sports are special to only them.

The Pride Fan

This is a person who still roots for their alma-mater because those athletes were students like they were. They root for boxers from their home country. Their favorite baseball team has a bunch of their countrymen on it. There is a cloud of bias and judgment over every opinion and argument. They are so much like the blind fan only they feel their reason is more legitimate, and even though it is to them, it still prevents them from possessing an intelligent opinion.

The Angry Fan

This is a person who really just needs to release anger. Their team's rival angers them, so do rival fans, so does the traffic on the highway on the way to the game and little children who stare too much. But what bothers them the most is the way their own team plays. They wish their team played better even when they win, and they're too angry within themselves when their team loses to allow their friends to poke fun at them because their team lost. They're bad company.

The Statistics Fan

This fan thinks that knowing all is right, and takes precedence over seeing all or understanding all. Yes, sports and numbers have a distinct relationship, one that helps everyone better understand the two, but sports is about outcomes and potential. It's about the feelings created and opinions. If the numbers really mattered, there would be no arguments.

The Highlight Fan

This is a person who obtains knowledge from highlight shows, just as those who say they follow politics watch Cable News. They know what the television has told them, and they get a repeated view of what the television has shown them. Beyond that, things like the score at the end of the third quarter or the balk that moved the go-ahead run to third base are a blur. Worse, it distorts their opinions of who's good or bad, or who might win or lose. A highlight is no more than that, a highlight. And if people only saw the highlights of your life, would they know what was really going on?

The Gossip Fan

These are people who don't actually care about sports, and how they're played, they care about athletes as celebrities. They would react to Roger Federer the same way on the street as they would on a tennis court during a match: with awe. They are people who are obsessed with the lives of those more priviledged, and they view Colin Farrell the way they do Alex Rodriguez, possibly because Alex Rodriguez is too boring for them as just a baseball player.

I've found out a lot about the sports world and myself while writing this, and I doubt I will continue to do some of the things I've always done, and I think I should be a better man for it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Guess what's so funny...



2009 NFL Predictions

The one constant in the NFL this decade is that pre-season predictions are doomed to go wrong like Eli Manning making a pressure decision. Looking back, outside of the Patriots' second and third championships, and the Colts' win over the Bears three years ago, no team with high expectations has won a Super Bowl in this decade. The 2000 Rams were expected to steamroll through their schedule. In 2001, the Steelers blew the AFC Championship, the Raiders got robbed in the divisional round. The Eagles couldn't exorcise their demons in 2002. The Parcells Cowboys couldn't beat any good teams in 2003. In 2005 the 14-2 Colts blew the championship game. The Patriots blew the Super Bowl in the worst way the next year. My point is that these teams and many others this decade went into that season with high expectations, and because the NFL is an unpredictable league, those expectations seemed silly by the end of that year.

So for example, if you expect the Steelers to repeat, or the Cardinals to go deep into the playoffs, then my bet is that by mid-season you'll change your mind, and that by playoff time you'll question your own sanity. The fact of the matter is that only Pittsburgh's defensive scheme, not the players, and certainly not the offense is what wins them games. But if last year is any indication, as it is for everyone else making predictions, then Pittsburgh's offense can't afford to have swing games. Meaning that poor offensive showings against Dallas, Cleveland, San Diego, and Baltimore (along with help from the officials) could have easily translated to four close losses instead of four close wins. The difference between 12-4 and 8-8 is that slim, even for teams that are considered good. The Cardinals are and average team in a bad division. They do though, have great talent on offense, but no longer have the offensive coordinator that took them on their Super Bowl run. The Cardinals were a 9-7 team that backed into the playoffs. They gave up 56 points to the Jets a week after losing to Washington. They gave up 48 points to Philadelphia on Thanksgiving. Tarvaris Jackson threw for four touchdowns against them, and we all know that Tarvaris Jackson gets treated like Rex Grossman by NFL fans. Any good team at any time can light up the Cardinals, and to me, the Cardinals are proof of the flukey nature of the NFL playoffs in recent years.

Pittsburgh Steelers: 9-7 Wild Card

Arizona Cardinals: 6-10 No Playoffs


If you're expecting Mark Sanchez to take control of the public eye in New York and stamp his name on a few wins, you're right, but I highly doubt it will really be his doing. You'll be able to expect from Sanchez something of a cross between Eli Manning's first full season and Joe Flacco's. Both went 11-5. Both had bruising defenses and a tough rushing attack. Both, especially Manning, were and are rarely placed in situations where real decisions need to be made (the opposite of this is the bevy of trust given by the Eagles to Donovan Mcnabb). Sanchez' is on a team with the AFC's leading rusher, Thomas Jones, a dominant checkdown back, Leon Washington, and a Rex Ryan, Ravens'-style defense with one of the better corners in the league, Darelle Revis. Of the rookie quarterbacks starting this year, Sanchez' team will have the best season, but the less than savvy football fans in New York will say he's the reason.

New York Jets: 10-6 Wild Card

Detroit Lions: 8-8 No Playoffs


With my opinions on the quarterback position shown through the evaluation of Manning, Flacco, and now Sanchez, I must make it further known that I truly believe that a gunslinging sort of quarterback has only won three Super Bowls in my lifetime. Brett Favre in 1996 won after the Packers' defense finally came together for them and toppled the 49ers. John Elway had to beat another gunslinger, Favre to win his first Super Bowl, and beat a bad Atlanta team (one very much like the 2008 Cardinals) to get his second. Kurt Warner ran a great offense with the Rams, but is more the hold-the-ball-too-long type than the throw-it-through-seven guys type that Favre is. But in the last twenty-five years, Doug Williams, Jeff Hostetler, Mark Rypien, Troy Aikman, Trent Dilfer, Tom Brady, Brad Johnson, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning have all won the Super Bowl as game managers with average or below average skill sets. My point here is that Brett Favre makes some of the worst decisions any quarterback can make on a down-to-down basis, but the Hall-of-Fame highlight video won't show every down. The Vikings might have been better off not feeding into the media-generated notion that quarterbacks are still the most important part of an entire team and realize that they can change their offensive scheme to put Tarvaris Jackson in better situations and trust their highly-touted defense. Brad Childress, who will be fired at the end of this year, should be following Tom Coughlin's blueprint for riding a horse-running back and a punishing defense to a championship, the quarterback, on most great teams, is usually an efficient accessory.

Vikings: 8-8 No Playoffs

Giants: 8-8 Wild Card (Make sure to tune in to the last game of the season)


The Philadelphia Eagles are a cursed team. Cursed with bad NFC Championship game losses, cursed with shotty play-calling and game management, cursed with devastating injuries, cursed with season-killing decisions and controversies. For the first time in a very long time, they will be cursed with high expectations. The problem with today's NFL is that most still think it's a player's league. The players are the ones in the spotlight, making huge money, and using highlight shows to force people into thinking that they win and lose games. This is, without a doubt in my mind, a coordinators league when it comes to all things that matter, and teams with certain strengths who lost a coordinator in that department just can not be the same teams. The Colts will seem different offensively, so will the Giants on defense. The Eagles though, without Jim Johnson controlling the defense, and without any real impact player on defense (both starting corners are ex-patriots, who have always had that Patriot knack for coming up big when properly placed), will be a much different defensive team. The Redskins, Cowboys and Giants will all benefit from this, all hovering in the 11-5 to 8-8 range, and all making the playoffs in a conference with no good teams west of Dallas.

Washington Redskins: 10-6 Wild Card

Dallas Cowboys: 10-6 Conference Championship Game

Philadelphia Eagles: 6-10 No Playoffs (Look out for a major injury on offense)


As for the Super Bowl, expect the NFC to produce another fluke representative, like the Saints. The Saints and the rest of the NFC South play the NFC East this year, and if those four poor pass defenses get torched by the Saints' passing attack, then New Orleans has a real shot to beat any teams that might also be fighting for a playoff spot, and may be able to back into the playoffs with a below-average defense. Sound strange to you? They did the same in 2006, making the NFC Championship game. The Cardinals last year and the Giants in 2007 reached the Super Bowl in the same fashion. Everyone questioned the Bears throughout the 2006 season, and how relevant were the 2005 Seahawks? This year's AFC is much like the NFC of recent years: wide open, with a whole lot of flawed teams. Expect a team like the Chargers to have a great record in a division with three rebuilding teams, and play at home throughout the playoffs.

Super Bowl XLIV:

Chargers, 37
Saints, 31



And if I'm wrong? Well, everyone is usually wrong, but I hope you're thinking a little more logically now.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Short Story-The Price King



The three-packs of soap his mother bought just for him so that he could take his first few grown-up showers as a child cost sixty-nine cents, and that was likely the first price of an item he’d ever noticed. He would be in his first grade clothes, pushing a shopping cart with his mother still needing to guide his arms, taking note of the prices everywhere. Loaves of bread were thirty-nine cents. A dozen eggs were forty-nine cents and a person with a large family could buy two-dozen for eighty-nine cents. His father once complained for six days that a pair of tennis shoes his mother had bought him cost fifteen dollars.

Two or three years later children at school were buying their own breakfasts from the deli across Tenth Avenue and most of those he knew received five-dollar allowances from their parents. Those children would explain to him that breakfast sandwiches were thirty-nine cents, a piece of candy was either a penny or a nickel, and the children who bought their own candy usually spent a quarter per day on five of the good ones. They would boast that lunch and dinner were free for them, so of their five dollars, they would spend sixty-four cents per day, or three dollars and twenty cents per week. If comic books were ten cents, packs of firecrackers were fifteen cents, and the prices of candy have already been given, then almost all of the children in the school seemed rich in possessions on a one-dollar and eighty cents per week surplus. Even though almost every adult in Thomas King’s neighborhood would have readily admitted their poverty, he thought that the children he knew and went to school with had all of the things they really needed.

Soon, they were all growing too big for their parents to afford their clothes, and at school, clothes came to matter more than candy. Thomas, like the other children he knew, received a fifty-dollar per week allowance from his parents in exchange for household chores that took away almost all of his free time anyway. His parents scoffed at the idea for months before giving in. His father gave thirty dollars to his mother, thinking always that the allowance was thirty dollars, and his mother would add twenty dollars from the compartment at the bottom of the flour jar that only she knew how to open.

A decent shirt at those times would always cost twelve dollars and fifty cents, and Thomas understood quite early that “decent” shirts were necessary for school, lounging with friends, and dates with girls. He learned to include twelve dollars and fifty cents per week in his budget, every school week throughout high school (usually working a summer job and spending twenty-three dollars weekly on two shirts in the eight weeks of July and August) until his wardrobe was a kaleidoscope of folded flannels and hung polyesters in his closet and bold shirt-collars that jutted stubbornly out of his bedroom drawers. He had almost as many twelve-dollar and fifty-cent shirts as the black boys at school, even though the black boys always complained that their families were the poorest.

He was wearing his first twenty-dollar shirt the first time he used a thirty-dollar fake Georgia driver’s license to get into the Roxy, paying the bouncer ten dollars because he still looked seventeen in his thirty-five dollar shoes, then ten more dollars for his entrance (his date, Kathleen Sivens, was admitted for free, on account of her seventy-five dollar Liz Claiborne dress with extra-high shoulder pads, stolen from her older sister’s closet). Between his jobs and the saving of his allowances he’d saved enough money to go to the Roxy and buy three four-dollar rum-and-coke’s and six two-dollar martini’s for Kathleen, a dollar for a pack of condoms, five dollars for a late night meal for two at the diner on his block, and six more dollars for Kathleen’s cab ride home. He spent seventy-five dollars every Friday night that way for two months, until a Black man in a red suit danced with Kathleen at the Roxy, told her that his cocaine came in bags of ten and twenty dollars, but that if she hung around him, bumps were free. After that, Thomas never saw her or went to the Roxy or spent that seventy-five dollars again.

In a year he’d saved enough to buy a car. He decided on a hunter green 1976 Chevrolet Monte Carlo with a dark brown interior he’d bought from a thin black man in Newark who was tired of working on it and was upgrading to a 1986 Ford Thunderbird. The car was purchased for nine hundred dollars. It drove for sixty-eight days before died and stuck to the road like a wet dollar and a tow truck came and scraped it along to Nancy’s auto shop on the West Side. The Monte Carlo didn’t leave Nancy’s. Thomas spent five hundred and thirty dollars on repairs but the car still would not run. In that time of spending and fixing and minimal success, the mechanics at Nancy’s fell in love with the Monte Carlo, and wanted to help Thomas because he’d ended up spending two years without his car. It was given a new coat of paint that would have cost two hundred dollars, the grille was changed for a classier one that also cost two hundred dollars, and when the upholstery was redone in a tan color to highlight the fresh green paint the mechanics had to piece together the one hundred and seventy dollars it cost, and it was given four splendid gold wheels with crisp, unused tires that totaled four hundred and eighty dollars.

In the third year that the car would still not run, and Thomas was told that the car was worthless without a new engine that would cost one thousand, two hundred dollars, Nancy, the owner of the auto shop and two others like it in Wilmington and Baltimore died suddenly of carbon monoxide poisoning and in her will and testament, she left the stores to the workers, allowing them to operate them as small businesses. Thomas was first with the idea of naming the New York shop “Monte Carlo’s” because his Monte Carlo was the most beautiful remodeling job they’d ever done, and eventually, the car was sold to the auto shop for three hundred dollars and in two weeks was gutted of its parts and hoisted above the front entrance to act as the awning and logo for Monte Carlo Auto Body. When the company went public as a major Auto Body chain nine years later, Thomas King was credited with their name, and by vote of the original workers at the first New York shop, is still paid two percent royalties, or a fifty dollar check every time a Monte Carlo Auto Body advertisement appears on television.

New York University accepted him into their business program, but at ten thousand dollars per year, there was no combination of incomes that could keep him there, so he was back at home right around when it was time to finally pay his first bill. Thomas went to work as a door man in an Upper East Side neighborhood at a time when his neighborhood still rented rooms for seventy-five dollars per month. He worked nineteen hours per day for six days per week at five dollars and fifty cents per hour for two years before his parents began to ask him to help with the rent. By then he’d saved twelve thousand dollars, and was glad to pay his father one hundred dollars per month to live there. Numerous women with eighty-dollar work pumps and three hundred dollar handbags visited the apartment, always walking as if their rich husbands might pop up out of some slum alley or be disguised as a derelict. None of them ever spent the time on looking his parents in the eyes, even though each new woman excited the grin on Thomas’ father’s mouth.

The first woman to eat six-dollar steak with Thomas King’s family as his actual girlfriend was a thin Asian woman named Cynthia Cheung, who surprised Thomas’ skeptical parents by speaking clear, energetic English. It took seven weeks for him to buy Cynthia a one thousand, seven hundred dollar engagement ring, and four more weeks for the two of them decided to have their second six-dollar steak dinner, this time with all of their parents, and this time prepared by Cynthia, to announce the news. All four parents smiled with approval, but later before bed in the tenament bedroom adjacent to Thomas’, his parents lied awake all night, spewing numbers at each other.
“Larry Simmons girl’s wedding cost seven thousand dollars, and you saw, it was terrible. We don’t even know that girl’s parents. We don’t even know her situation. What percent does the groom’s family have to contribute?”
They became arguing accountants.
“No, no. no! It doesn’t matter if the base cost is five thousand per parent, we will not be splitting duties and deciding on the prices of things individually, that is for this young woman to decide.”
It became a night of Nostalgia.
“My dress cost me forty-five dollars, and it was beautiful. Where have all the years gone?”
And before Thomas’ father could groan back that all they spent those years arguing about money, they heard Thomas walking out, trying his best to not let the front door make a sound.

His first apartment, a narrow hallway of a place in lower Manhattan, cost him four hundred dollars per month, and on the night he moved in with Cynthia, and he was ready to tell her that he wanted to open a huge store that sold everything for ninety-nine cents, she told him that she was pregnant. She cried in bed for three days, spending four dollars on boxes of tissues, because he wasn’t completely happy. When she was finally calm enough to hear his idea, she helped, and with eight thousand dollars that Thomas had saved, and her credit, the original King 99 store was opened on Fordham Road in the Bronx, five days before Thomas Jonathan King was born.

They married using fourteen thousand dollars of their own money two years later, and for many years, Thomas, Cynthia, and Thomas Jonathan were seen regularly at the store, preaching to workers and customers that the “absolute beauty of the store is the consistency of the prices.”
Thomas would pace the aisles, reminding everyone that everything was ninety-nine cents.
“Razors, ninety-nine
Deodorant, ninety-nine
Cereal, ninety-nine
Towels
Toothbrushes
Toys, everything ninety-nine cents”
Cynthia would be seen behind the register with Thomas Jonathan tucked inside her elbow, screaming out to the girls.
“Count that change properly, count it twice! I hired you specifically because I expect you to be able to count change twice before the customer knows. Oh, this is going into your file.”

Every person who walked into King 99 stumbled on something they thought was worth buying for ninety-nine cents, and in the twelve years that the store was opened, they turned over every single item in their inventory. People flocked from neighborhoods all over the city to pay thirty, or ten cents less for things they could buy in their own neighborhoods. Some employees stayed for the entire twelve years, and made up to eight dollars per hour. Cynthia King grew tired of the store after Thomas Jonathan began to go to school, and she stayed at their home in Tarrytown, ordering Thomas home every day with snacks from the store, costing King 99four thousand, five hundred dollars in lost revenue every year. She gained forty pounds every year until the store closed, and Thomas began to send money to men to be invested and hidden overseas. Soon after, he bought the original Monte Carlo Auto Body, found a plastic and foam replacement for his old car, and took down the original, paid the mechanics fifty thousand dollars to specially order and replace all of the parts, and was making the drive from Tarrytown to the Fordham Road every day in a perfect hunter green 1976 Chevrolet Monte Carlo.

When Thomas brought a group of lawyers to Tarrytown to get Cynthia to sign divorce papers, her cheeks were so bloated that she couldn’t open her eyes, and she’d fallen asleep before she could call her own lawyer. The lawyers fought for four months, and the fighting cost both Cynthia and Thomas thirteen thousand dollars. Thomas Jonathan was left in the custody of his father, and the store was to be closed, and the final revenues, four hundred and thirty-thousand dollars, were split in half. Thomas King might have hugged each employee every day until the store officially closed, and the day after he returned the original set of keys to the landlord, paying him the last five thousand, seven hundred dollars in rent, he told both of his parents and Thomas Jonathan that he was moving them all to South Florida, into a three hundred and seventy thousand dollar home, in a place with no property taxes, where it costs a lot less to live.

Friday, August 21, 2009

How much does overrated cost?


In the last few years, the most purely clueless sports town in America has gotten even worse. If you've ever lived around fans of New York teams, the Mets and Giants especially, then you've probably never seen a less knowledgable fan base that combines their lack of knowledge with little knowledge for the sport they follow or the games they're supposed to be watching. The Giants fan's problem is that they don't understand system football, the sum of mediocre parts equaling successful cohesion, or what Patriots fans are used to. The possible admission that players like Eli Manning or Justin Tuck would be terrible on other teams is simply too much for them. Tuck is a system player, and very productive piece of Steve Spagnuolo's defense, but he is NOT an elite defensive lineman in the NFL. That though, doesn't come close to how much better other quarterbacks in the league are than Eli Manning.


In 2007, the year the Giants went 10-6 and won the Super Bowl (the first ten-win Super Bowl Winner in twenty years), Eli Manning led the league in interceptions. Even with a field-stretching receiver like Plaxico Burress. In fact, every time Eli Manning has been forced to make a football decision with the football in his hand, he's thrown an interception. Think back to the last time he was forced to make any tough decisions before that Super Bowl run, November 25, 2007 against the Vikings (see also October 13, 2008 against the Browns). The Giants success comes mainly through the run and stopping the run. Any defensive pass rush they get is extra, but their overall success certainly doesn't come from their quarterback play. The outright joke of the 2007 season was Eli manning's questionable Super Bowl MVP. His 19-34, 255 yard performance is only more egregious than Peyton Manning's 24-38 247 yard MVP performance the year before, but since that time, Eli Manning has been viewed as an elite quarterback, and now he's paid like one.


Since Plaxico shot himself, the decline, or reality could have continued, but Giants head coach Tom Coughlin and their staff refuse to let it happen. In the one game when the Giants rushing attack sputtered miserably after Burress left the team, November 30, 2008 against the Redskins, Eli Manning had his breakout game of the season, 21-34 305 yards, one touchdown, or a slightly below average day for Drew Brees, Kurt Warner, Peyton Manning, Jay Cutler, or the player he was traded for, Philip Rivers. Basically, Eli manning at his best is still maybe tenth-best in the league. Usually though, the Giants use a three-headed rushing attack, which diminishes Eli's role immensely, and all of the quarterbacks we mentioned aside from Rivers do not share that luxury. But all of those quarterbacks can be counted on to rescue their teams in times of crisis. When the Giants are in crisis, their goal is to make sure Eli isn't the one who has to come to their rescue. That's great coaching.